it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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