Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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