You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
