I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize