I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
