My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
