i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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