i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
