the condom got lost in my hair
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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