I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize