so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
