so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
