I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
