i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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