Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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