cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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