His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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