I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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