We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
