so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
