So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
