im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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