He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
