This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
