dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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