If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Two words: blizzard sex
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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