please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
