You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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