well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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