Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I deserve this hangover.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
