remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
