I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
