I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
