This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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