On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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