Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
