i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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