Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Green mimosas i think yes
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
