I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
