new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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