Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
