Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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