ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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