I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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