dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
