rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
