Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wish I could punch you in the face.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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