If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
