Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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