If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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