You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
