Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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