Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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