last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
