left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
