if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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