There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
