Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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