And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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