I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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