i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
