4 words: hood of his car
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
