she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
