im gay
i know
yea but for you.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
