remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
