My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
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