So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
