are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
