yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
