I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize
