guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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