it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
a search helicopter?!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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