Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
