4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
