the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
