dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
