You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
