Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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