she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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