found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
