so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
