I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
