I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
then he tried to convert me to islam
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
