my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
