It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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