you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
