Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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