If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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