I wanna passion pit in your ass
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I could fuck to npr.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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