Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
