I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize