he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Someone signed my nipple.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
