saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize