3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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