Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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