Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
